If anyone reading this doesn't know what institute is, it is a religion class for young adults where we can learn about church doctrine and principles and discuss how it applies to each of us individually. It's super cool.
Anyways, today was my first time going, and we got talking about roles of mothers and fathers. In today's world, there is a lot of discussion going on about gender roles, the purpose and definition of families, and so forth. First thing I should tell you is that I fully consider myself a feminist. No, this does not mean I hate men or seek to be better than them. But my point right now is not to explain that.
One thing I've heard a lot on the Internet is how "the Mormon church is so restrictive" and "men are placed higher than women" and "women aren't allowed to get jobs and pursue success". As a Mormon, I can tell you that is not true. I have never believed that for a moment of my life. I couldn't find the words to express this to anyone else, but after going to Institute, I realized exactly how gender roles and roles of family members worked together in a way that is not demeaning to anyone--man or woman--in a way that anyone can understand.
In 1993, President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "Many years ago, President Stephen L. Richards … made an eloquent plea to put father back at the head of the family (see Conference Report, Apr. 1958, p. 94). I repeat that plea to all fathers. Yours is the basic and inescapable responsibility to stand as the head of the family. That does not carry with it any implication of dictatorship or unrighteousness dominion…"
Let me repeat that: "That does not carry with it any implication of dictatorship of unrighteousness dominion." This does not mean the father rules over everything. He is not the end all of everything. His job is to be the head. He is a leader.
I once saw a picture depicting the difference between a boss and a leader. A boss gets himself to the top of a mountain with no regard to anyone else. In fact, the boss would throw others off that got in his way. The leader, on the other hand, helped others up alongside him. We are all on our journey up this mountain of life. Fathers are just responsible to help make sure everyone in his family gets there safely.
President Hinckley continues, "It carries with it a mandate that fathers provide for the needs of their families. Those needs are more than food, clothing, and shelter. Those needs include righteous direction and the teaching, by example as well as precept, of basic principles of honesty, integrity, service, respect for the rights of others" (see that feminists, fathers should be teaching respect of women, men, everyone) ", and an understanding that we are accountable for that which we do in this life, not only to one another but also to the God of heaven, who is our Eternal Father."
Fathers provide. They do not dictate, they do not force. They help each person in his family on their journey through life. But what have Mormon church leaders say about the role of mothers?
In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, it reveals, "Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children".
Let me stop there. Mothers are primarily responsible. Not only responsible. Mothers first responsibility should be to helping their family, but is that really any different than fathers? It continues, "In this sacred responsibility, mothers and fathers are responsible to help one another as equal partners".
That's what society forgets a lot. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we understand that mothers and fathers are equal. They work together to accomplish their goals. They may have different primary responsibilities, but in the end, they are both trying to help each other and their children to be more like Christ.
The next part of this section says, "Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation." Mothers may need to work. Dads may need to stay home with the kids. Each family is different. Women can pursue careers just like men, but no matter which gender you are, both are supposed to put the needs of their family first. You will need prayer. God alone can tell you what is right for you, but you are responsible to seek for those answers.
There are a lot of crazy questions about what men and women can, can't, should, and shouldn't do. Ultimately, it comes down to what makes you happy AND brings you closer to Christ. You can't have one without the other.
In closing, if nothing else, I want to stress that yes, there are things that are primarily men's responsibility and others that are primarily woman's. Does this mean one is better than the other? Of course not. Both jobs must be done, and ultimately we are all trying to better ourselves to reach what we all desire: to be happy and our best selves with the people we love most.
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