How Love Wins

On June 26, 2015, the Supreme Court of the United States ruled marriage equality for members of the LGBT community. Over these last few days, my mind has tried to comprehend everything I see around me. I can tell you one thing, I've seen more rainbows than I think anyone has ever seen in a life time now. Many people around me have been wildly celebrating while many others have been incredibly disappointed. I haven't been able to fit myself into one category or the other. On one hand, I recognize that for some people in my life, this is huge. I want to support them in their happiness. At the same time, I want to maintain my beliefs. I believe man and woman are equal counterparts to an even greater whole. They are yin and yang. Two halves that are completely different, but can't exist without the other. After reading through several articles and conversing with people on both sides, I finally have come to a conclusion.

One of the most common phrases I have seen the past few days is "Love won". That's exactly what I want to talk about. Not marriage, not sexuality, not equality. Love.

One quote that I love says "We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." Who among us is "perfect"? Who is there that hasn't failed, hasn't lost sight of who they can become, doesn't have insecurities or shortcomings? Answer: no one! Yet every day people try to discredit others for things that they see as making them "imperfect". Mother Teresa said, "If you judge someone, you have no time to love them." My question is, what does it mean to love?

Fight the New Drug, a non-profit organization to educate people on the harmful effects of pornography, says that love is a "word used to describe selfless devotion". In other words, love is "complete and total respect and care for another individual." Love mean you care. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship of any kind, romantic, friendly, professional, or in a family setting, will know that despite how much you care about someone, you don't always agree with them. But you work through it and you continue to care about them and want what is best for them. You don't try to make them feel bad for your disagreement. That is not selfless. That is not love.

One common reason for a lack of love is labeling. Whether this is Jews and Samaritans, black and white, atheist or religious, male and female, Nephite and Lamanite or even football players and band kids. There's always something that people label. On the blog "A Mormon Woman I Am", an interesting point is brought up about this. The article is specifically about the Court's decision, but she makes one point that I specifically want to bring up. "We're all so caught up in labels. Those of us with one label fight against those who wear a different label. But I see today that none of those labels matter. We all need to peel them away until we see we are all just people. We're just children of God." May I make one slight change and say we are not "just" children of God. We are ALL precious children of God who loves us more than any of us can comprehend. Imagine if everyone remembered this. We are all brothers and sisters of a loving God. Why can't we act like it?

One of my all time favorite tweets is from @slothmormon. "Love won over 2000 years ago when Christ died for us all." Who is a better example of perfect, Christlike love than Jesus Christ? Christ was perfect. He didn't sin. He knew right from wrong perfectly. Yet, His message was always one of hope, a chance to come back to Him. He didn't hate us or isolate us for our shortcomings. He did what He could to help others during His mortal ministry, died for us to give us a way back to perfect happiness that only He can give, and continues to help each of us in our daily struggles. If we truly want to be like Christ, we must be willing to do the same. We must help each other. We can't do that by hating or condemning. 

In the Book of Mormon, Nephi 11:17 says, "I know that [God] loveth His children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." That sums up everything. God loves His children. If He who is perfect can love you with your imperfections, can you not do the same for another imperfect person that He loves just as much? Every single person on the face of this earth are never all going to agree. That's good. Nothing could improve if there weren't people to challenge the status quo. In the end, God can and will make up to us whatever we missed out on in life. In the mean time, we need to love one another. 

Whether you are excited about the Marriage Equality or not, both sides must be able to look past that and just love. Only by doing this, will love be able to continue to win.

Thoughts on Feminism and Gender Roles

As part of trying to get over my major fear of going to college, I'm testing the waters by attending LDS Institute.

If anyone reading this doesn't know what institute is, it is a religion class for young adults where we can learn about church doctrine and principles and discuss how it applies to each of us individually. It's super cool.

Anyways, today was my first time going, and we got talking about roles of mothers and fathers. In today's world, there is a lot of discussion going on about gender roles, the purpose and definition of families, and so forth. First thing I should tell you is that I fully consider myself a feminist. No, this does not mean I hate men or seek to be better than them. But my point right now is not to explain that.

One thing I've heard a lot on the Internet is how "the Mormon church is so restrictive" and "men are placed higher than women" and "women aren't allowed to get jobs and pursue success". As a Mormon, I can tell you that is not true. I have never believed that for a moment of my life. I couldn't find the words to express this to anyone else, but after going to Institute, I realized exactly how gender roles and roles of family members worked together in a way that is not demeaning to anyone--man or woman--in a way that anyone can understand.

In 1993, President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "Many years ago, President Stephen L. Richards … made an eloquent plea to put father back at the head of the family (see Conference Report, Apr. 1958, p. 94). I repeat that plea to all fathers. Yours is the basic and inescapable responsibility to stand as the head of the family. That does not carry with it any implication of dictatorship or unrighteousness dominion…"

Let me repeat that: "That does not carry with it any implication of dictatorship of unrighteousness dominion." This does not mean the father rules over everything. He is not the end all of everything. His job is to be the head. He is a leader.

I once saw a picture depicting the difference between a boss and a leader. A boss gets himself to the top of a mountain with no regard to anyone else. In fact, the boss would throw others off that got in his way. The leader, on the other hand, helped others up alongside him.  We are all on our journey up this mountain of life. Fathers are just responsible to help make sure everyone in his family gets there safely.

President Hinckley continues, "It carries with it a mandate that fathers provide for the needs of their families. Those needs are more than food, clothing, and shelter. Those needs include righteous direction and the teaching, by example as well as precept, of basic principles of honesty, integrity, service, respect for the rights of others" (see that feminists, fathers should be teaching respect of women, men, everyone) ", and an understanding that we are accountable for that which we do in this life, not only to one another but also to the God of heaven, who is our Eternal Father."

Fathers provide. They do not dictate, they do not force. They help each person in his family on their journey through life. But what have Mormon church leaders say about the role of mothers?

In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, it reveals, "Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children".

Let me stop there. Mothers are primarily responsible. Not only responsible. Mothers first responsibility should be to helping their family, but is that really any different than fathers? It continues, "In this sacred responsibility, mothers and fathers are responsible to help one another as equal partners".

That's what society forgets a lot. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we understand that mothers and fathers are equal. They work together to accomplish their goals. They may have different primary responsibilities, but in the end, they are both trying to help each other and their children to be more like Christ.

The next part of this section says, "Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation." Mothers may need to work. Dads may need to stay home with the kids. Each family is different. Women can pursue careers just like men, but no matter which gender you are, both are supposed to put the needs of their family first. You will need prayer. God alone can tell you what is right for you, but you are responsible to seek for those answers.

There are a lot of crazy questions about what men and women can, can't, should, and shouldn't do. Ultimately, it comes down to what makes you happy AND brings you closer to Christ. You can't have one without the other. 

In closing, if nothing else, I want to stress that yes, there are things that are primarily men's responsibility and others that are primarily woman's. Does this mean one is better than the other? Of course not. Both jobs must be done, and ultimately we are all trying to better ourselves to reach what we all desire: to be happy and our best selves with the people we love most.

A Letter to Myself

I recently graduated from high school, which in and of itself is an exciting and somewhat overwhelming achievement. The idea of facing an even bigger school next year when I attend university was beyond daunting. I was basically certain I would literally die before I completed my first semester.

In my Young Women's group at church, my youth advisor asked each of the graduated seniors to take five minutes to talk about what we wish we had known when we are twelve. This experience made me realize that there was a lot I had learned to prepare me for college. I began to think of lessons I learned each year of junior and senior high that aren't just things that I alone struggled with, but challenges most young people struggle to learn. I wanted to share these.

7th Grade - Emily, you are done with elementary school. Going to junior high may seem scary, but worry not. You are never left to fend for yourself. There are so many adults who are there to look out for you. You have friends, teachers, counselors, and parents who will not let you fail. Literally, I don't think your mum would ever allow you to actually fail a class. But most importantly, you have the Savior. Don't forget to be yourself. You are the best person you can be. You don't need to pretend to be cool. You are enough.

8th grade - You've learned the basic idea of how to get through junior high, and you've learned it wasn't that bad. This year, I want you to remember who your friends are. There are plenty of people that are viewed as popular, but you don't need to be popular to be happy. Don't try to force yourself into a friend group. Find people who share your interests and who make you feel happy. You are surrounded by so many good people. Try looking in a place you wouldn't expect. Good friends are so important!

9th grade - Listen to your mom when she says there may be classes that many people have HATED! She has pretty good resources a lot of the time. If the vast majority didn't like a class, that's a pretty good sign that you shouldn't take it. Grades count now, but it's not always about taking classes that fit requirements. You have lots of options. Take what will help you long term. Maybe a ballroom dance class? Or creative writing? Your options are endless.

10th grade - Hey, you've made it to high school! Congratulations! You'll still find that just because you are at a new school, things still aren't dramatically harder. It's still baby steps. Because of this, get involved! Join clubs! This is a once in a life time opportunity! Try HOPE Squad or Spanish Club! So what if you miss a lunch period or two with the same people? This is a once in a life time opportunity! Take it!!

11th grade - Junior year. Time to get down to business. This year you've got the ACT, AP Classes, and a lot of responsibilities. Remember it's not essential to get 100% all of the time. Know when you've reached your limit and be able to say no. If you aren't happy, why are you doing any of this? Physical, mental, and emotional health are the most important.  Also, you're finally realizing that high school does in fact end and friends graduate. Cherish the time you have with these people, but remember that it is not the end. These people are not dying. If someone is important, you will see them. The important ones stick around.

12th grade - YOU ARE SO CLOSE!! Keep going!! Emily, I know last year was a struggle for you. I know you are scared to push yourself that far again. But don't forget all that you can do! You have so much potential. Go out for the school play, or go see it a million times if you don't. Try everything! This is senior year. Spend time with friends. Do well in school, but don't sacrifice irreplaceable memories for a couple points extra in a class. Do crazy things! Kiss a boy, buy a watermelon, make friends with someone you thought was too cool for you. You have so many options! Have fun!

Each year, I learned new things that helped me get through my public school experience. But most of all, I learned that it is important to rely on our Savior, Jesus Christ. He alone can help you through anything. Sometimes life is tricky, but if you look for the lessons you've learned before, there very well might be the answer to help you keep moving forward.

You've Found My Blog :)

Hi world!

My name is Emily Sabey. Welcome to my blog. I have a lot of ideas and thoughts that I hope others can gain insight from. Because of this, I've decided to start this blog.

First, I want to introduce myself. I'm from Utah. I have a passion for music. I play saxophone and I love singing, but my favorite is playing the piano. I'm very artistic and I love being expressive.

I have an obsession with life, finding truth, and happiness--not to mention a bunch of other random obsession with more trivial things such as socks. I love to learn and to challenge what I think to find out what really is true, and I love discovering how I fit into that.

I'm the oldest of 5 children. I love my family. I'm optimistic and usually happy. I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon). I love my life and I hope somewhere along the way, something I say will make a difference in your life.

Enjoy!